Well, yesterday was a failure and victory all at the same time. While I fell again, I did not beat myself up in the process. Instead I repented and asked for forgiveness and fixed my eyes on the Lord. This was truly a victory for me, because I would wallow in my shame, regret and sorrow.
A friend of mine is going to be setting a password on my computer with a program called K-9. Which is anti porn software. I’ve tried XXX Church’s program, but I find it complicated and not worth the seven bucks a month. Anti-porn software is a start, but the real work lies in dealing with the triggers that make a person crave whatever they’re addicted to.
For example, if you fear the future or worry about not having enough money. It can then seem logical to run to what “soothes” us the the most. But it’s not really soothing when they bring us momentary fixes. Only the presence of God and his mercy can give us the freedom we desire.
Two ideas that come mind: When it comes to fighting addiction, we need to approach it with speed and violence of action. That doesn’t mean we harm ourselves, but that we do what it takes to bring our addiction and destructive habits into submission.
The second idea is, I’ve been listening to a song called “beautiful things” by Gungor, I must confess that it s still very hard to see myself as a beautiful thing, because I mess up so much. It’s hard to see myself as God see’s me. My prayer for this year, is that I (and others) would see and believe this beautiful reality.