God Spoke To Me

There I was sitting on the toilet this morning, as I always do. Taking care of the demons in my stomach. Truth be told, I have not been feeling all that great about myself the past few days. For reasons that I do not wish to share on this blog.

But there I was, the few places that I pray are when I am in the shower, working out or on the toilet. I tend to pray more privately these days… As I was sitting on my throne, I was noticing all the negative thoughts coming out from my mind, making their way to my heart.

When I heard and felt a soft whisper say from underneath all of the crap coming out of (non pun intended).

Your my son… 

I know its crazy, and this blog might very well make you think that of me. So be it. For many religious crack heads have said that God spoke to them, well, let me tell you quickly why my experience is different. The words that were spoken to me, can be back up with scripture.

Psalm 2:7

Matthew 3:17

Luke 15:11-32

To name a few, I don’t think this is as crazy, because God speaks to various people in various ways through out the whole of scripture. Further more, the Lord reminding me that I am his son, is far (far) different than some other Christian claiming “the phone rang and that was a sign I was meant to marry this person!”

I know my soul needed these words today, I needed to be reminded of my true identity today. Does this happen often to me? No, but when it does. Its very special to me. Today my hope and prayer is that you know that God loves you, in Christ all things can be made new.

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God Spoke To Me

The Hell of Depression and The Will To Keep Going.

Living with depression sucks, it’s not a new topic for me to write about, nor is it something that the overly positive like to discuss. Talking about depression can be like a sudden down pour on a sunny day. As I feel depression start to creep back into my life, I find myself trying to do everything I can to keep it a bay.

I make sure that I’m eating healthy as possible. Getting adequate amounts of sleep and staying consistent in the gym. As well as staying disciplined spiritually, spending time in prayer and quite contemplation, reading books that water my soul.

But you know what? There’re days when having depression just simply sucks. There’s days where I am far from optimistic and very negative. The other day at the gym, my attitude was horrible. My heart was so set on doing heavy back squats, but I was met with a wrench in my system… Tempo squats… I had never done one up until this point, it felt so new and weird to me.

I tried to keep (or rather fake) a good attitude, I did the best I could to stick to the prescribed workout. But my mind and body were not having it. I mean, I quit during the last set and nothing was clicking for me on this day. My mind was full of shit thoughts. I didn’t want to be at the gym, I didn’t want to do this workout…. I just wanted to do what Brandon wanted to do.

I wanted to run away, and be as far away as I could from the human population. Those thoughts, feelings and emotions are still with me even in this moment. I’ve tried getting all the anger out through fitness, it helps for a moment, but still I feel the only that would help these feelings inside me would be letting out a scream that would cut through the expanse of the universe.

It’s a bit of a stretch I know, but it’s true. What is helping me the most right now, is that it is okay to want to scream, punch things (preferably a punching bag and not a person or wall), cry, run, sprint, lift heavy things, scribble in a journal whatever it is. The point is that you don’t have to stomach the feelings, thoughts, emotions that depression brings.

Stomaching these things only makes things worse. If you have a crappy attitude, acknowledge it, apologies for it if you have to, chalk it up as a bad day if you have to. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t learn from it.  If you are a friend, mentor or coach and you have someone like this in your life. Know that they are going through a rough patch, don’t take it personally, don’t fire back.

Rather, lovingly motivate them and remind them that this one day or season isn’t the end for them.  Listen to them, hear them out, scream, cry do whatever it takes. But don’t give up on them. Remind them that you they are loved, remind them of their worth and potential, remind them that one day or season doesn’t define them.

In the words of ChurchHill, if your going through hell, keep going.

Keep going…  I don’t care if it takes awhile to get going… I don’t care if you have to fall out of bed, get going.  You might even need sometime to rest, but get up and keep going. If you have a routine, stick to it regardless of how you feel. It will keep you from sinking deep into yourself. It will keep your head above water.

We can rise above and conquer, this hell of depression doesn’t have to win.

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The Hell of Depression and The Will To Keep Going.

Adapt And Rise

Our excuses to not take care of ourselves are no more.

The reasons we have to not better ourselves, don’t stand up to what the modern day adaptive athlete can do.

Being born with Cerebral Palsy, I was told that there was a low chance of survival, and if I lived. I wouldn’t amount to much. If you heard this story before and feel like you’re reading the same blog over again, I’m sorry but this is my story. And I will gladly proclaim how God took a frail child and turned him into a warrior.

On this day, maybe you feel down and out, depressed, suicidal, feel alone and feel like you could never amount to much. I get it, I’ve been there, but I’m here today to tell you that you can rise above and conquer all of that. Maybe you have bad health, or hate the way your body looks. Okay, lets start making changes right this second.

Maybe you have no use of your legs, okay, you can have a strong upper body!

Maybe you have one leg or arm, that just means that you have to be willing to adapt to your circumstances. There are ways to adapt upper body lifts to those with only one arm. If you have a prosthetic leg, awesome  there’re so many ways you can adapt exercises and functional movements to fit your needs.

Have an autoimmune, still not the end of the world, take the journey of finding good coaches that can help you. Go slow, listen to your body. And go fourth in your journey.

Please understand that, in no way do I intend to sound un-compassionate. Nor am I implying that any of this will be easy. It is because of compassion and love, that I am imploring you  today to not sit in your excuses and settle for anything less then your best.

Do I have my bad days? Yes,  but warriors rise after they fall, they get up after a needed rest.  Greatness comes from darkness, use the pain, use the hurt to drive forward to a better tomorrow. I’ll say it again, there are no short cuts, no self help books or remedies that can make the journey any easier.

What will help is hope. faith. Love and community. These are real things with eternal significants. Whatever is holding you back today, whatever is keeping you from progress. Face it. Don’t give it authority a second longer. Your life matters. Make the most of it.

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Adapt And Rise

Rediscovering Discipline

For the past several weeks, I’ve been listening to a lot of Jocko Willink. He is a former Navy Seal and BJJ black belt under the legendary Dean Lister. I’ve found myself drawn to the fact that he talks so much about self-discipline, in fact, he says that discipline is freedom. I can remember being in college and getting up at 5 AM most every morning, usually because I was scared of waking up late and missing breakfast, class or whatever was on task for the day.

The fact that my father was in the military sure helped with this, and the fact that my mom, would have to get me up early to get ready for school only added to the fact that my body and mind would become accustomed to rising early and chipping away at the day. As a kid, I hated it, wanted to sleep in more and be a bit lazy. But eventually I got used to it. The early rise and grind is what would carry me through a huge majority of my life.

Because my parents disciplined me in such away, conditioned me to get the job done. Even when I didn’t want to. In college I would be done with assignments way before other people were. People would often tell me “I don’t know how you do it..” And at the time, the only answer I had was that God gave me parents to help train me to live in such a way. And that the Lord is faithful in waking me up each and everyday. Was I perfect at it, no way, in fact there were days when I would hit the snooze button once or twice.

Another way of saying it, was I went through the daily motions of life. I’ve always been taught that this was a bad thing, especially being a Christian. But Jocko says that you go through the motions and do it anyway.

Don’t feel like reading my bible? do it any way!

Don’t feel like praying? do it anyway!

Don’t feel like lifting heavy weight? do it anyway!

You’ll feel better having done it. Because the the things we don’t want to do, are the things we need to do the most. It’s how you get ahead in life and how you succeed. Living a life of discipline, I believe, is how we see a difference not only in ourselves. But others, meaning that we can greater help people wherever they are at in life. Living the disciplined life is how we combat our vices, the temptations, the addiction, the bad habits that only long to derail us.

Discipline wins the battle, discipline is wisdom. Discipline may very well be the voice of the grand commander and chief saying, “Hey, I love you, now get up, get on mission and get it done!

Discipline, from the Christian perspective, is not so much our own might. But His, but thats for another blog!images.duckduckgo

 

 

 

Rediscovering Discipline

The Love of Christ-For you

Jesus. Loves. you. I know that some might dread or roll their eyes regarding the amount of Jesus posts today. Some might even have a good laugh, but I genuinely mean what I’m saying (or rather typing), I know some people might point and say that myself and other Christians in the world or delusional for believing as we do. But the love of Jesus Christ has truly changed me inside and out, it was the love that I have always wanted and needed. The love that I have found in Christ, has moved me away from the yoke of perfection and to embrace the mad love and acceptance that he has poured out upon me. In my estimation, there are not enough words to describe how my life continues to change because of the love of Christ. Your life can change too, as though you were a new creation.

The Love of Christ-For you

60 days.

In an act of self-disclosure.

I want to say that I’ve been porn free for 60 days! That is the longest I have ever been without this horrible drug. And you know what? I feel amazing, the urge to use this drug is less and less every day. Is the temptation still there? Sure, but God is faithful, and  His strength is my strength.

I actually desire real relationships, real conversation, and interaction. My prior blog on being mentally tough remains true. For I am a warrior and no enemy will easily overcome me.

My weapon of choice is 1st Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)

I can and will make it to 90 days, which is the standard time for the brain to fully re-wire. If you are struggling with any sort of addiction. You too can be free but know this: 1) you need Gods help, you need community, you need transparency and you need to be willing to give it time. But you can be free!

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60 days.

An Update On My First Book

My first book: The Emotional Struggle, is now an internationally known book. As it is currently making it’s way to Ireland!

If you haven’t read it yet, please feel free to do so. Here is also a recent review:

read this book. This book is raw and open about the life of Brandon and his struggle with his “disability” and his walk with Jesus and IT WAS PHENOMENAL!!! i will journey to the next book you wrote!! I loved your complete honesty and all of your quotes, it literally opened my eyes to how your perception of how people look at you and how you have felt and probably still feel. Life is literally a persecution when you love and live for Christ, regardless if we backslide a bit or not, we all do. But dang, I LOVED THIS BOOK!  -Carla Vice

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Purchase copy here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1434348113/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=31933057530&hvpos=1t1&hvnetw=s&hvrand=9081708957811739779&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=e&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1023191&hvtargid=kwd-6817054661&ref=pd_sl_jr1dfs8fm_e

 

 

An Update On My First Book